teenagers...!

I’ve been doing a lot of yelling at my kids lately.  They just don’t seem to listen.  My son has a tendency to argue with me when asked to do something.  “Why do I have to do it?” He asks.  “Because I’m asking you,” I reply.  To which he begins with a whole slew of arguments as to why he shouldn’t do it.  “It’s not my turn… I didn’t do it…it’s not fair.”   And he won’t quit until he makes his point.  I get exasperated because all I wanted from him was to do what I asked him to do.

My daughter is on the sensitive side but she’s now starting to rebel…she’s 13!!!  

She’s had a study guide to complete at least three weeks in advance before her test.  The teacher e-mailed me on Thursday informing me her test will be this Monday.  I was upset because I know it takes my daughter at least a week of studying to become familiar with her study guide.  I told her dad about it and, knowing she wanted to go to her school dance last Friday, he told her she had to completed the study guide by that day or she wouldn’t be able to go.  As far as I was concerned, I wasn’t going to allow her to go to her dance.  I wanted to show her that she had to take responsibility and that there are consequences if she didn’t.  Am I wrong on this?  

I had a talk with her on Thursday and told her that she was going to have to study all weekend for this test.  “You have your cousin’s birthday party to go to and it’s a sleepover.”  “But since you waited too long to complete and review your study guide, you cannot stay for the sleepover.”  She says, “O.k.  o.k. I know.”  “Alright, I just want to make sure we’re clear on this,” I say.  She did complete her study guide by Friday and her dad let her go to her school’s dance.    But just because she completed the guide didn’t mean she studied and knows her questions.  

Yesterday, morning, she had to go to her friend’s house to finish a school project.  She later had to go to her softball game.  Once her game was over, we went to her cousin’s birthday party.  First, we went bowling and after that we went to my sister’s house where they were going to have the sleepover.  When it was getting late, I told my daughter, “Come on, it’s time to go.”  “But why?!”  “I want to stay,” she moans.   “It’s getting late!”  

All the cousins said at once, “No.  Can’t she stay?!  Please!  It’s a sleepover!”  My sister then says to me, “Why can’t she stay?”  “Let her stay.” “I’ll take her in the morning.”  I said to her, “No, she can’t stay.  She knows what she has to do.”  We went back and forth on this (now I know why my son is this way) and my sister was getting upset with me too.  “Why do you have to be this way?”  “I said I’ll take her in the morning!”  But knowing my sister and the kids, they will be up all night and getting up really late.  I wanted my daughter to get an early start on her last day of studying.  Especially when she has a game scheduled for later today.

I began to feel bad and a little guilty for not letting her stay and wondered if I was doing the right thing.  Didn’t we have this discussion already?  Somehow I knew this was going to happen.  

We eventually left the party. Once we got home, I went upstairs to my daughter’s room to have a talk with her.  I was a little upset with her for putting me in that position.  I felt like I was being the bad guy here!   I began to reminder her of our little discussion that we had earlier and she began to cry.  “Why do you have to be that way?”  “Why couldn’t I stay?”  “I completed the study guide and I studied on Thursday.”  “You never let me do anything!”  

Should I have let her stay?  Was I wrong in not letting her?  Am I being unfair to her?  She doesn’t get to do anything?  Wait a minute here... she did get to go to her school dance and she went to her cousin’s party.  Why would she say I don’t let her do anything?  

I went to bed upset knowing that this was only the beginning.  Wait until she’s in high school…I don’t think I’m ready for this…!