In memory of Danny...

As I silently cried for my cousin Danny, I looked up to see the many faces solemnly watching as his casket was slowly lowered to its grave. Their dark sunglasses covering their weeping eyes to hide the pain we were all feeling inside.

Numerous friends and relatives attended the funeral. Some I did not know and others were the old relatives and friends from the neighborhood. What was more surprising was seeing the kids of my day who now I did not recognize as they have all grown to become young men and women. It made me realize how much time has passed and how far removed I have been from my old neighborhood, my family and friends. After all those years, it was good to see the people I grew up with. Unfortunately, it was under those circumstances.

It was a big blow to the family. No one could believe what happened to my cousin Danny. We always hear it on the news…a child, a girl, a boy, an innocent bystander killed by a stray bullet, a shooting... a drive-by. These occurrences are happening every day but which never really affects us until it hits closer to home.

This is what happened to Danny. It was said he died a hero. He took a bullet trying to save his cousin. In doing so, he gave up his family and his life. He may not have been involved but when it’s around us (whether it’s from the people we know, or the neighborhood we live in) it is hard to escape from it.

I felt deep sympathy for Danny’s little girl as I watched her looking innocently about her, not really understanding what was happening at that very moment as everyone gathered around Danny’s grave saying their last goodbyes.

My heart went out to Danny’s wife as she silently cried for her husband, trying to keep strong for their little girl. But most of all, my heart ached for his parents and siblings. They appeared to be crying… crying dry tears from all the lamenting and grieving from the days before when they first received the tragic news. Their shoulders slumped forward as their appearance seem to be one of resignation… that they will never see their son (brother) again.

Danny was killed due to gang violence… a vicious cycle, a never ending story. It should be a wake up call for some, but it’s just another day in the ‘hood. Someone dies and life goes on. The sad part is that it’s always the innocent ones that are paying the price.

As I held a single rose in my hand, I said a little prayer for Danny. Everything appeared to be moving in slow motion. I brought the rose to my lips and gently gave it a kiss. I then released the rose from my hand and watched it fall as it landed on Danny's casket.

Goodbye Danny…

May God keep your soul and may you rest in peace…

In memory of D.H.
7/19/82 to 7/8/07

embarrassing moments...

Embarrassing moment #1:

One morning I got up later than usual and was in a hurry to get ready for work. After I showered, I got dressed and put some makeup on. I proceeded to wash my eyeglasses and took a piece of toilet paper to dry them. I put my glasses on, picked up my purse and ran out the door hoping to catch my train on time.

I got to the train station and had to run to catch my train before it left the platform. I was happy that I caught the train and managed to get a seat. After catching my breath, I noticed that a couple of people were looking at me. Are they looking at me because I’m I was breathing hard from running? Or is that I have something on my face or worse on my nose…?! I got a tissue out of my purse and wiped my nose. Soon thereafter, I notice a guy who was looking at me and smiling. For a moment I thought he is smiling at me. Then, it hit me…oh no… is he laughing at me? Why??? Then I realized something… check my glasses! I took them off and sure enough…I had toilet paper stuck on my glasses! How embarrassing!!!

Embarrassing moment #2

I was at work one morning and was busy printing up my boss’ e-mails. He had received an e-mail with an attachment that was too large to print on my printer so I sent it to the printer in the copy room. I quickly got up to go get the print job and as I did so, my foot got caught on one of the computer cables. I tripped over it and I knew instantly that I was going to fall. My chair was behind me so I let myself fall thinking that I was going to fall right on the chair. As I was falling, my BiG BuTT accidentally pushed the chair back and I fell to the floor instead just as my boss and my co-worker were walking in. “Are you o.k.?” I heard them ask. I raised my hand and waved, “I’m o.k., I’m o.k.!” How funny I must have looked to them. I managed to get up and my cheeks were burning with embarrassment! Oops!

train stories

While going to/from the train station and riding the train, I've seen, heard and experienced many things. Here are a few train experiences, not necessarily my own:

Story #1. A woman was running to catch her train, carrying several shopping bags from a department store in each hand. As she ran towards the train yelling out, "Wait, wait!" the doors soon began to close. In her desperate attempt to get on that train, the lady reached her arm out and slipped one of her large shopping bags in between the doors to try and stop them from closing. Unfortunately for her, the bag did not do the trick and the train left her behind with one less shopping bag to carry!

Life is funny that way...one man's misfortune can turn into another man's fortune?. Anyway.... the moral of this story... "Good things come to those who wait" or better yet, "It is better to wait for the next train than to lose an arm or a shopping bag."


Story #2: A woman was chatting away on her cell phone and as she turned to check if the train was coming, she accidentally drops her cell phone on the train tracks. "My phone!" She yells out. "Oh, no! It's gone!" A man heard her desperate plea and jumps off the platform to the tracks to rescue the woman's cell phone. The woman and the onlookers looked at the man in disbelief. Is he crazy! At least that is what I thought not only because he actually jumped on the train tracks but because we heard the sound of the train approaching. A couple of guys immediately reach out to him and managed to pull him up to safety. He stood in front of the woman a heroic man.

Moral of the story... There is no moral! I believe that was foolish! Was it worth risking your life?" Well, it depends on who you talk to...

Next story...

Story #3: The train stops at yet another station. A few people get off the train while others got on. As the train doors closed, there was an old man outside and he slowly came up to a window where a girl sat waiting for the train to move to get to her destination. He taps on the window, just as the train began to move, and the old man gives her the finger. The girl sees this and returns the favor. He taps on the window a little harder and again continues to give her the finger. The girl yells out "What is your problem man!" as she too continues to give him the finger. The train kept moving forward and the man just stood there giving her the finger until he was out of sight. You can tell the girl was upset...actually she was pissed!

Moral of the story... Who knows!

Just another day on the train...!

White Sands, NM

What's that smell....?!

For the past several weeks, the kitchen area was beginning to smell. "Yuck! What's that smell!", the kids would ask. As the days would go by, the smell kept getting stronger and stronger until it started to smell like a dead mouse! It was coming from the pantry or near the fridge. I just couldn't tell.

Just thinking that it could be a dead mouse, I was scared to even move the fridge for fear of what I might find underneath. It gave me the chills just to think about it! Gross!

When I finally got the nerve to search and move the fridge, I found nothing except that I had to sweep the dirt! Phew what a relief! But the smell was still repugnant. Where was it coming from? I went into the pantry and cleaned out the drawers, searched around the shelves and still no dead mouse! I swear, I searched everywhere but no luck! I couldn't find any dead mouse and yet the horrible smell continued to get worse. It was getting to the point where I didn't even want to be near the kitchen! It was aweful!

Last week, my mom came over to visit. I told her what was going on and that I believe I had a dead mouse but couldn't seem locate it. She helped me search and move things around and again we did not manage to find anything. I was beginning to think the dead mouse was inside the wall.

We cleaned out the refrigerator hoping it might be some old left overs but again, we came up with nothing. I didn't know what to do anymore!

Finally, I went back in the pantry and as I was moving things around, behind some containers and the blender I saw my sister's roaster oven which she had left the last time she cooked. The smell was definitely coming from inside that pot. I was afraid to uncover it. Slowly I reached for the cover. When I opened it, I found..... AHHHHH! UGH!!! DISGUSTING!!!!

My mom ran to see why I was screaming and she yells out, "Don't tell me the mouse was inside the pot?!" I wanted to vomit! I couldn't even speak! When I managed to get the words out I exclaimed....

"No, worse!" "You're not going to believe this!"

It was the HAM from THANKSGIVING!!!

What the....???

For the past few weeks, since we've gotten back from vacation, my daughter has been getting up late for school. If she does get up on time, she usually spends way too much time getting herself ready. I am constantly yelling for her to hurry up because everyone is going to be late for school and work.

Yesterday, my hubby finally said, "I am fed up!" He called out to her once. Since she continued to ignore the fact that we're trying to rush her, he decided he was going to do something about it.

I had gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for work when I noticed that my hubby and the kids were still here. I yell out of the bathroom, "Do you realize what time it is!?" My hubby said, "Call your daughter to come down." "I want to talk to her." "I yell out, "Dem, come down now, your dad wants to talk to you!"

She comes down the stairs taking her sweet time, without the slightest clue as to the time.

Dad: "Do you realize what time it is?"

Dem: "No."

Dad: "It's 8:15 a.m."

Dem: "What!" My daughter exlaims as she looks up at the clock.

Dad: "Do you know that because of you both you and your brother are late for school?" "How old are you?"

Dem: "I will be 14 in a couple of weeks."

Dad: "You are now old enough to understand the importance of getting up and getting ready for school." "Do you agree?"

Dem: (Nods in agreement.)

Dad: "It is your responsibility, not anyone else's, to get ready on time." "Yes?"

Dem: "Yes."

Dad: "I am tired of having your mom and I continue to yell out to you to hurry up." "Since we've already talked about this and you are already late for school, I am not taking you to school today."

Dem: (I noticed for a second her facial reaction was that of "cool I don't have to go to school today!"). Unfortunately for her, that was not going to be the case.

Dad: "Since you made everyone late for school and work, you are going to stay home and do chores."

Dem: "But"

Dad: "No but's." "You will begin with cleaning out the kitchen." "Once you finish, you will clean up your room, clean the bathroom... and so on and so forth." "Don't even think for a minute you will be sitting down to relax." "Once your chores are done, you will begin studying."

I looked up at the clock and sure enough, I was running late for work! I turned to look at my daughter and noticed that she no longer had a smile on her face, it immediately turned into a frown. By the time her dad finished with the "to do list", she had tears running down her eyes.

I knew there was a lesson to be learned here. I couldn't stay to find out. I quickly rushed out the door and went to work. When I arrived home from work, the house was clean and she was putting some things away that should have been put away a long time ago. She came up to me and gave me a big hug.

Me: "So how was your day?"

Dem: "I've been cleaning and straightening up the house all day." "Ugh!"

Me: "I hope you understand the lesson that your dad is trying to teach you."

Dem: "Yeah, that I don't want to stay home!"

Me: "It's more than that." "It's about the importance of being responsible."

Let's see if she learned her lesson...

This morning she got at 6:45 a.m. and was ready to go on time!

to remember you always...

I had been out of town for a couple of weeks and finally took some time to go through a pile of mail that was on the table.

As I was sorting through it, one piece of mail, in particular, caught my eye. It was sent from the Vet's office. I slowly opened the envelope. It was a sympathy card. I looked at the picture for a couple of seconds and began thinking about my beloved pet, Coqueta, and how much I missed her.

As I opened the card to read it, out came a piece of fur from my beloved pet tied in a red ribbon. My heart ached. I began to cry.

goodbye my pet...!

Coqueta

2/9/91 - 12/21/06

Goodbye to my sweet pet and loyal friend. You were always by my side. So many years together and now I turn around and you are no longer there. Oh, how I miss you so!

You will be forever in my heart.

snow cacti

"Gris!", my husband yells out. "Kristy called and said to look out the window, it's snowing!" "Do I have to get up." I moaned, as it was early in the morning and we were still in bed. (I really didn't want to see snow... what I wanted to see was the sun!!!)

Beebo immediately gets up and rushes to the window. And to his disappointment says, "Ah, that's nothing!"

I got up to look out the window and there were several patches of snow on the ground and a few flakes were falling.

As we were eating breakfast, I glanced towards the window and realized I couldn't see out the window anymore. I assumed because it was cold outside. I opened the door and I freaked! I yelled out "Holy cow!" "It's really snowing!"

I've never seen so much snow in Las Cruces! If it wasn't for the cacti, I could have sworn we were in Chicago.

Happy Holidays!

icicle...

first snow...

This morning we woke up to the first day of snow.

The kids did not go to school. It was closed due to the weather. And of course, they couldn't hide their excitement about getting a snow day and be able to stay home. All I heard from them, as they were jumping for joy, was a big "Yes!" "Whoo hoo!" "No school!"

I, on the other hand, had to go to work. On the way there, I kept wishing I would have called in sick. After all, I had a good excuse...I am sick! But I knew I had to go. My boss gave me a big hint the other day about not missing work before I take my holiday time off.

So sick and all, I forced myself to go to work. Thank GOD it's only for a few hours and TGIF!!!

A few weeks ago, I had been sick with a bad cough. Just when I thought I've gotten over it, this morning I woke up feeling worse. My nose feels stuffed and yet it's dripping like a faucet. I look like Rudolph the red-nose reindeer. It's raw from blowing my nose too much. My ears feel plugged but hey, at least my cough has subsided. This is the longest I've been sick. It's getting to be irritating!

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, we had really good weather. It was sunny, warm and it felt like spring. Now the temperature dropped and it's been drizzling all day. This morning I woke up to the weather report announcing that we're expected to have very cold weather and snow (6-12 inches)!

This past couple of weeks, I've been in contact with a few of my HS classmates. Since our HS class reunion is coming up next year, they've been wanting to get together to plan for this reunion. It's been several years since I've seen my friends. I am excited to get a chance to meet them again after all these years and yet...I am scared. Scared because... well you know... are they going to like me? I don't want them to see me like this...I've gained a lot of weight since HS. What are they going to think of me?

On my way to work, I began thinking about this meeting. We're supposed to meet later today after work. I began wondering what my friends look like now. What have they been up to? Soon, I began having these feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I had all these thoughts running through my mind. Pretty soon I was feeling sorry for myself. Finding everything wrong that they could possibly find about me... my looks...my weight... etc. Do I look old? Being sick did not help matters.

As I was getting off the train, I saw a man talking to a person who appeared to be his friend. But what caught my eye was that he had a large dark mole covering half of his face. He did not appear to be self-conscious. He was smiling and happily talking to that person.

I continued walking down the street and came across another man. He was a handsome man except for one thing... when he turned, I saw that he had an enlarged mole or growth behind one of his ears. It was so big it looked like he had a gulf ball hanging from his ear. The man seemed not to have a care in the world and did not seem to mind or worry about how people looked at him and/or what they thought about him.

For a split second, I felt sorry for them and then I started thinking to myself, was this a sign from above? No... I shouldn't feel sorry for them. I was right to feel sorry for myself... only because here I am putting myself down and complaining. Imagine if that would have been me! It made me realize that I should be more grateful. No one is perfect. Be thankful for what you have and what you don't have (in most cases).

After making peace with myself, I thought about attending this meeting. Forget about how I look or what they are going to think about me. I need to quit worrying about that stuff and stop being this way! I should consider myself lucky.

But as time passed, I did not feel any better. I had no choice... so I e-mailed one of my classmates to tell her I was not going to be able to join them. In a way, I was looking forward to meeting them and yet, deep down, I secretly felt relieved being sick so that I had an excuse not to go.

Is this bad or what?!

...

This morning I woke up feeling strange... more like I wanted to cry my heart out...and so I did (well, enough so as not to get noticed).

I got up and went downstairs to let my pet Coqueta out to pee. By the time I got to her her, she had an another accident. There was poop all around where she was laying. Since she stepped on it when she got up, she left poop paw prints all over the floor!

I was already in a hurry and I didn't want to be late for work. But I had no choice, I had to clean up the mess before I left. I got so upset! Not only did I had to clean up the mess, but I had to wash her too. It was so gross!

Before I knew it, I was in tears. Hot tears burning down my cheeks. Tears of anger...tears of pain...I don't know. As I turned to look at her, I saw it in her eyes... she too was sad and she knew I was unhappy. It made me feel even worse because I know it's not her fault.

Yesterday she was outside enjoying the nice weather. She was actually running around on the grass. Except for having her "accidents", she's doing great. But for some reason, she just can't go do her "duty" outside. It always happens when she's laying down. Is it fair to her and to me? What am I doing here? How long am I going to do this for? I know she's just a "dog". But she's been with us for 15 years! How can I not take care of her when she needs me? Am I doing the right thing?

I went back upstairs and as I was wiping my tears, my daughter sees me and turns to my son and asks him, "Why is mom crying?" My son replies, "I think she's depressed."

Depressed... yes, I'm starting to feel it. One more thing to add to things...and it's really breaking my heart...!

A note of thanks...

This is why I continue to keep our Thanksgiving tradition...

For several years now, the tradition has been to host Thanksgiving dinner at our house. Even though our family has known this for years and have attended our Thanksgiving dinner each year, I still have certain members who complain about not having been sent an invitation (even though I never do) or not giving them enough notice (even though it's been talked about it weeks before).

As the years go by, the family keeps growing and growing...and my "big" house suddenly is becoming "smaller". To the point that for two years in a row now, we've had to move our dining room in the living room to accommodate everyone for a sit down dinner.

This Thanksgiving, we had to use two of our dining room tables and two picnic tables to be able to seat everyone at the dinner table. Not including the kids table! We were expecting a little over 25 adults and 15 children.

As the family keeps growing, it's becoming harder to seat everyone together on the same table or in the same side/section of the table. My dad, for the first time in years, actually showed up for dinner and we ended up moving a couple people around. In doing so, I ended up "offending" certain people either because they weren't seated in their "usual" spot or at the "head of the table" or because they were put next to someone they did not want to be seated next to.

When they were all asked to sit at their assigned seats, everyone began moving and reassigning their seats and by the time everyone got seated, some members had already started eating dinner before we even said grace. I heard some whispers of family members complaining about the food being "cold" and how they had to "serve themselves" or didn't get to eat some of the food. The food was set at the table and everyone passes the food around. I was the last one to sit down and did not even get to enjoy my dinner.

Every year, has been the same, so what made this year different? What did they expect...to be catered?! There was plenty of food for everyone to eat... and how did they expect me to have everything served hot right out of the oven?

I thought Thanksgiving was a time for families to celebrate a holiday and an opportunity to get together and enjoy a nice dinner and share their company. But apparently this was not the case. To me, it appeared to be just another excuse for people to get together and "complain/criticize" just about everything. It also became another excuse to "party".

My sister AC came over to my house the night before to make all the preparations for the Thanksgiving dinner and spent the whole day on Thanksgiving Day cooking. My other sister came to my house several times during the week to help me clean up and get the house ready for Thanksgiving. It took me two days after Thanksgiving to clean up the mess that was left over. The problem is that only a few people actually help clean and even so, in the end, I still end up doing most of the cleaning afterwards.

Hosting Thanksgiving dinner for a big family, took a lot of time, preparation and work... and for people to come criticize and complain... really pissed me off! There was just too much going on. It made me realize certain things.... and one of it was...is this worth the effort?

Thank goodness Thanksgiving comes just once a year. I overheard a family member suggesting having Christmas at my place.... ha! I don't think so!

I think one holiday is enough!

Coqueta...

It's been a week since Coqueta got out of the yard and got hit by a car as she attempted to cross a busy street.

Let me tell you, she's one amazing pup! I don't think she's ready to go! I can't believe how well she is doing, considering what happened to her and her age!

She walks around and, even though it's a little harder for her now to walk up and down the steps, she does it. Her back legs aren't as strong as they used to, and they tend to shake. On occasion, her hind legs give out as she tries to climb the steps, so I try to keep her from doing so.

The one problem she has encountered is a weak bladder and bowels. She has had a few little "accidents". I can tell she gets depressed when she does have an "accident" by the way she just lays there and looks so sad. I've had to wash her a couple of times and once I do, she is back to normal. I hope things will get better soon. It's been tough on both of us. Vet says it will.

I'm concerned that, as the weather gets colder, how is this going to affect her. I'm sure her bones are going to ache...hell my bones already do!

Happy Halloween!

Here we go again...

Coqueta
Originally uploaded by Gris1.

Last night I asked my son to let Coqueta out to pee. He was doing something at the time and said he would do it a little later. In the meantime, I kept working on the computer.

After a while, my hubby asked where Coqueta was. I thought she was in the livingroom with him as she likes to sleep by the door. I asked the kids if they had seen her and they hadn't. We began looking for her all over the house (she's hard of hearing). In order to get her attention, we have to clap our hands loudly and give her hand signals. We checked the back yard and she wasn't there either.

My son had let her out and forgot to let her back inside the house. Since she stayed out for too long in the yard, she managed to get out of the gate by squeezing herself through the bars. By the time we noticed she wasn't in the house, it was too late. She was gone!

My son and I walked around the neighborhood looking for her. Since it was already after dark, we later decided to get in the car and see if we could find her in the alleys and streets. But Coqueta was nowhere to be found.

This morning I called the animal control to find out if they had picked her up. The lady said she wasn't aware of any pet fitting Coqueta's description. As I was riding the bus, headed for work, I called the vet's office to find out if someone had by chance found her and dropped her off there. As the receptionist checked, I got the good news that there was a possibility that Coqueta may have been picked up but at a different location.

Sure enough, it was her. When my hubby went to pick her up, they told her that she had been hit by a car. She was in bad shape when they found her last night. My hubby then took her to our vet's office.

I went to see her right after work. I can't believe she has survived this. She's 14 years old! The vet said that, at this time, there's not much they can do for her. She was alert and she attempted to walk, although a few times she kept slipping. You can tell her hip is hurt.

I'm so sad. She's been with us since she was two months old. I feel so guilty for not having paid more attention to her. Maybe if I would have gotten off the computer and gone to let her out, instead, this wouldn't have happened!

I don't know how much time she has left. She's been through a lot and she's old. For now, they are going to keep her until tomorrow for observation and she will be given medication.

light...

light coming from the window
Originally uploaded by Gris1.

--mga