desperate housewife...

I can’t believe that Christmas has come and gone and pretty soon we will be celebrating New Year’s.  The sad thing is that that too will soon be over!  My goodness...where does time go?

My vacation is almost over and I’m feeling like I haven’t even been on vacation at all.  I’m grateful that I’m off of work but at the same time --is it really time off when you spend it at home cleaning, cooking, and taking care of kids?  

Seems to me like I spend all my time washing dishes, laundry and cleaning.  No matter how much I try to keep the house in order and get the kids to help me out, it doesn’t make a difference.  

And if and when I have a little free time, I like to check my e-mails and work on the computer for a little bit.  But when I do, I get the guilty trip from my kids… “Why are you on the computer?  You should spend time with us!”  I love my kids, but when I do spend time with them, I find myself getting frustrated because they begin bickering over little things.  

I don’t spend enough time with my hubby as it is.  He’s always too busy with work and other things he’s involved in.  We’ve argued over this a few times already.  Why can’t I be more understanding?  Why do I have to feel so frustrated and alone?  

I’m feeling stressed!  I need to learn how to better organize my time, my day and my life!  

I think I’m going to need another vacation from my “vacation”!

Santa's...cows...?

We went over to my mom’s house on Christmas Eve. We all got together there before we walked over to my brother’s to have dinner at his house.

The girls looked so cute dressed alike in their Christmas outfits that my sister got for them. The ladies also looked pretty nice. We included an item of clothing and/or jewelry that had the same color as the girls so we could also match. We then each put on our reindeer headbands...

Anyone who knows my brother well knows to expect sharp-tongued comments and remarks from him. And we knew we were in for it because we do these things to egg him on!

And sure enough, as soon as we walked in the door, with my hubby following us bellowing like a herd of cattle, the remarks started coming...

Brother: “Hey are you suppose to be reindeer or ox?”

Me: “Come on, we’re Santa’s reindeer…Dasher,
Prancer, and Vixen…!”

Brother: “Vixen!” “You’re no Vixen!”
“You’re all moo moos!”

Everyone starts laughing…!

Brother: “I didn’t know what to give you for Christmas.
I wanted to give you a gift that would last you
at least a month.”

G.F.: “Oh, how nice, anything will do.”
“But, what do you mean by it will last me a
month?” “What did you want to give me?”

Brother: (A serious face) “Yeah, I had a hard time
deciding whether to get you a bale of hay
or sack of maiz (corn)!”

G.F.: (Punches Brother in the arm) You jerk!


Later…

G.F.: “I would like to taste some of that pozole.”
“It looks good!”

Brother: “Sorry, but moose only eat alfalfa!”
“Damn! I knew I should have bought some
grass to feed the cows!”


And when we walked towards him (pretends to be a “matador”) and yells out, “Olé!”

Ah, my little brother… I could just kick his ass!

It’s all in good fun and he just loves to make fun of us. But the funny thing is he should be the one to look in the mirror!

Christmas spirit...

Every year, my sister takes the five girls in our family to buy them a Christmas dress, which they choose and dress alike.

This year, as two of the girls are getting older, it was harder to find a dress that they all agree to wear and it’s not too “baby” for the older ones. Finally, they all agreed on wearing a pair of black slacks with fine lines of baby blue and a baby blue (shimmering) sweater.

We are all going to meet at my mom’s house as she is making tamales. Mmmmm!

After that, we are walking over to my brother’s house, which is only three houses down and celebrate Christmas Eve with them. They are having not only tamales, but “pozole” (which is a soup made with either chicken or pork and hominy), and menudo.

As I have been on vacation, my mom, two sisters and I went out shopping for shoes and we agreed that the adults should also wear something with baby blue to look the same as the kids. I also bought us each a reindeer head band and jingle bells bracelets.

We all got in a grab bag (as the family keeps growing). But it seems like everyone is still giving each other something from Christmas. My sister calls me up and says, “I bought you a little gift. I hope you like it.” I’m giving her a speech as to the “Why did you buy me a gift if I’m not the person you got for the grab bag”! (Even though it’s supposed to be a surprise, everyone finds out whom they got for their grab bag) “What’s the point in being in a grab bag if you are still buying gifts for everyone?” And as she’s about to explain, I say… “O.k., so what did you get me?” She starts to laugh…

We were finally getting into the Christmas spirit. I went to the basement and pulled out my boxes with the Christmas decorations. The kids decorated the tree and I decorated our living room and dining room. It looks so pretty…!

But as the day gets closer, it seems that our nerves are running high and we are stressing over little petty stuff. Everyone is starting to argue with each other. And my kids have really disappointed me this year. They have been misbehaving and fighting with each other. They don’t listen when asked to do something… basically they are driving me crazy!

I remember when we were kids, we tried like crazy to be “little angels” so that Santa would come and give us presents. Now, it seems like they really don’t appreciate it anything. I hate to say this but they are too spoiled. I am considering not giving them any presents this year just to teach them a lesson. Is that wrong? Am I being a “bad” mother for saying/thinking this? It’s the day before Christmas and I can hear them arguing over nothing…

Let’s see how things turn out this evening….

X-mas party...aloha...!

(December 16, 2005)

Friday morning was hectic. We woke up late! We were up and about and rushing like maniacs trying to get the kids and ourselves ready for school and work. I was up late on Thursday night so I felt like I didn’t get enough sleep and woke up tired, sore and achy.

And just as I was getting ready, my son complains that his throat hurts and he began to cough. Oh, no…! He already missed a few days because he went with his dad on a mini-vacation and the Christmas vacation is a few days away. I was about to call in sick when my hubby said. “I have to take care of a few things first before I can come home early to be with him so in the meantime, I’ll get Cynthia to take care of him for a couple of hours. You go ahead… today is your last day at work.”

I had to rush because it was already late so I showered and got dressed quickly. Didn’t have time to drink a cup of coffee or anything. By the time I got to the train station, I already had missed my train. And when I finally got the next train, they were experiencing technical difficulties! This was going to be a bad day!

I got to the office and my boss was there. He didn’t say anything to me so I quickly took of my coat and realized that I had forgotten the jacket that went with my outfit! Oh, no…!!!! Now that meant that I couldn’t cover my big butt!! Aaah!!!!

I got busy with my work (and of course everything was urgent!) and had to be completed before we left the office at noon to go to our Christmas party. I was really feeling stressed. I kept thinking to myself, I should have just taken the day off!

Finally it was time to go to our party. This year they had a theme…Hawaiian Luau. When we arrived (freezing, as it was extremely cold!) they greeted us with a Hawaiian lei and a flower to pin on our hair (for the ladies). The set up was really nice and colorful. And the waiters were going around serving wine/beer or Mai Tai and o'deurves. The food was different because they actually served fish and filet mignon together. We got to taste both and it was delicious!

When we finished with our meal, they had a group of children from an elementary school sing different ethnic Christmas songs for us. When the children were done, they also had a band playing music from the islands. It was really great!

Then came the fun part (or more like the most embarrassing moment of my life!)

The employees (who worked 5, 10, 15 and 25 years) were honored and given a gift in appreciation for their loyalty and hard work. The employees for the five-year award were called and they had to come up on stage. Mr. “S” gave a little speech about each one (three things to know about so and so as far as outside activities goes).

OMG! I knew I was getting the 10 years award so that meant I had to get up on stage! ME ON STAGE!!!! In front of all those people! I thought, o.k. calm down, no big deal, there will be a couple of other employees up on stage with me so it won’t be too bad.

When he finished introducing the 5-year group, he continued on and called out my name. I got up and went up on stage. I tried not to focus on anyone and tried like hell to relax and not feel too embarrassed. O.k. He’ll call on others soon, just relax. But of course, this was not the worst part… the person that was honoring me, said since I was the only 10-year employee, he was going to spend a little more time talking about me! OMG! I thought I was going to die!

He proceeded to mention my nickname (which nobody knows except for my family and close friends). I soon felt my face turn red! He said “Gris” which is pronounced “Greece”. I thought, OMG, I’m not happy that I’m up here and feeling exposed but now they know my nickname and they’re probably thinking more like “grease” (yeah, fits the nickname!)

Gris is an avid reader of paperback books (especially V.C. Andrews), which her husband uses to start the fire in the fireplace (p.s. he said I shouldn’t tell her)...(laughter from the audience).

And to boot this whole thing turns into a little game….

If you can pick out who may know a title of one of her books (he pulls out two books by V.C. Andrews), she could win a book and you win a book. So I picked someone I knew who was raising her hand and she answered “Flowers in the Attic”. That’s correct!

Gris loves to sing to Juan Gabriel songs (popular Mexican singer). He asked the audience, “Does anyone know who Juan Gabriel is?” Only three or four people raised their hands (my Hispanic friends). So he pulls out a two pack CD of Juan Gabriel and says to me, “If you can pick out the person who knows one of Juan Gabriel’s songs with the word “money” in the title, he/she will win this CD.” So I picked “Maria” who immediately answered “No Tengo Dinero” (which means “I don’t have money”, one of JG first popular songs in the 70’s). Everyone laughs and she wins the CD.

He mentioned a few things about how I was the epitome of soccer, baseball and softball mom and each summer they can find me helping out in the concession stand and how I love to karaoke and a enjoy a good glass of wine.

“The last and final thing to know about Gris (as the drummer in the back is doing the drum roll…) She and her son are Cubs fans, while her husband and daughter are White Sox fans. Her husband and daughter have taken to calling them Losers, with a capital “L” on the forehead.” (Laughter). He pulls out a Cubs cap and says, “Pick someone who might know this fact about the Cubs”. Everyone was like “Pick Tim! Pick Tim!” So I picked “Tim” and he said, “If you can tell me when was the last time the Cub’s won a championship game…!” Everyone booed… And before “Tim” could answer the question, he throws the Cubs cap at him. Everyone was laughing and booing.

It was finally over! I quickly went for the stairs to get off the stage, and as nervous as I was, I almost missed them! I’m sure I was redder than a tomato!

This year's trip giveaway was to Hawaii. Unfortunatley, I did not win! :(

Oh, and I just couldn’t wait to get home and kill my husband!!!!

I hate shopping...!

I’ve been trying to go shopping for something to wear to our office Christmas party and haven’t been able to do so.  I’m always doing things at the last minute.  I can’t go shopping after work because I have to go directly to the school to pick up the kids.  It’s hard to go during the week…by the time we get home from work/school, kids, homework, dinner, etc., the stores are already closed.  

My hubby had told me yesterday that he would go pick up the kids so I could go shopping…and that didn’t work.   He ended up being too busy so again I didn’t go. Today, I finally told him he had to make some time to pick up the kids.  I really had to go buy myself something to wear.  I did check my closet first to see if I could find something.  I really didn’t want to go shopping and spend money if I didn’t have to.  Believe me, I’m not one to shop.  In fact, I hate shopping (at least when it comes to me).  I don’t mind shopping for others…but not for ME.  I get so depressed because there are so many cute clothes I could wear… but I’m either not comfortable, not my style or I’m too big to wear those clothes.   I hardly ever buy myself anything.  My sisters always end up buying them for me and sometimes I end up never wearing them because again, I don’t feel comfortable… I feel like I have to cover up my big buddy.  They tell me I should ‘t do it because it actually make me look bigger.

Work was business as usual.  I was surprised when my coworkers and my boss gave me presents!  That was very nice of them!  They were quite a few presents that I had to carry them in two bags!  I knew I had to go shopping and I didn’t want to leave the bags at work and I definitely didn’t want to have to carry them tomorrow.   Carrying those bags while shopping was a big mistake.  They were not light and as time passed they seem to get heavier and heavier!  I went to a couple of stores and I immediately became aggravated:  (1) I was getting tired of carrying those bags and the lady at the counter said she couldn’t keep them for me while I shop; (2) there were too many things to chose from (which I hate because I can’t ever decide on anything!) and (3) it was crowded and there were long lines at the register.  

Forget this!  I give up!  I can honestly say…. I HATE SHOPPING!!!!! Especially during the holidays!  I can’t believe it took me two hours and I didn’t buy myself anything.   How frustrating!  

I finally called my sister to ask her if she would go with me after she got out of work.  THANK YOU SIS!  She’s great!  I don’t know what I would do without her!  She can always help me pick out something nice (she quickly stops me when I’m about to pick out something that’s too big, to old looking or ugly).   She helped me pick out two nice blouses (now I have to decide which one to wear for tomorrow).  I decided on wearing pants with it.  I haven’t worn skirts or dresses in so long that I don’t feel comfortable wearing them anymore!  

I hope I can get it together.  I’m so tired and sore at this time (from carrying those bags and last night I also shoveled snow from our front porch, stairway and walkway!).  I don’t know how I’m going to manage getting up tomorrow!  And to boot, I’ve been stressed out that I got a big pimple on my chin!  Yuck!  

lonely...

Again I find myself alone…alone in the sense that I miss talking to someone other than my kids.  My hubby has been very busy with his business and, of course, now with a new position he got elected into, I feel like I hardly ever see him anymore.  It’s starting to get old and it’s only beginning.  

It hurts me that he’s spending too much time doing other things and with other people, even though I know they are for the better.   Don’t get me wrong, he does try to include me on some things, but I honestly don’t want to be part of it.  I don’t mind helping out once in a while but I can’t do it everyday.  I’m having a hard time running my own household as it is.  

When he gets home, I’m usually already in bed.  I know he feels ignored, because when he gets home, he wants to find me up and ready to talk about his day and I’m just too damned tired (and at times too angry) to listen.  Then, I feel guilty because I’m being a “bitch” and I should be there for him.  

I know he works hard and he’s tired too.  So why can’t I be more supportive?  Am I really that selfish?

  

give me a little confidence...

I was feeling crappy yesterday and didn’t feel like doing much around the house. So instead, I spent all my time on the computer downloading my pictures from a CD.

After awhile, I got bored and decided to try out my digital camera. I began by taking pictures of me. I’ve been so down and out lately about myself. And, of course, I haven’t been doing anything as far as exercising and keeping with a diet either. I figured if I take a picture of myself, I can see the real me and how awful I look and just maybe it would help me push myself to do something. Unfortunately, as of yet, I can’t download my pics from my digital camera to my computer. I think I need a new computer!

Funny thing is that, after taking a few pictures of myself, a couple of them actually came out pretty decent. In fact, better than I ever imagined. I decided to go a little further with this and took a picture of my belly…and again to my surprise I didn’t look fat… I think I actually looked thinner in the picture than in real life, so I took this even further and exposed not only my belly but a little of my boobs too! OMG! I couldn’t believe what I was doing… what has gotten into me…! Looking at myself like that…! Even though I must admit, they actually came out nice… I decided it was best to delete them…in case it got in the wrong hands! When my hubby came home, I told him what I had done and showed him the pictures. He was amazed and freaked out, as this is not typical of me. He said he would have loved to been able see the other pictures that I deleted. Maybe next time, when I get the nerve to do it again!

I don’t know why, but after seeing those pictures, it made me feel a little better about myself…and gave me a little boost of confidence.

Later, we got ready and went bowling. I’m not a good bowler as I’ve only bowled maybe a total 10 times in my lifetime. But I can honestly say, I had a good time. Afterwards, we were supposed to go to my aunt’s birthday party but it continued snowing last night and we decided to stay at the bowling alley instead. We ate there and soon it was karaoke time! I actually got the nerve to go up and sing (if you can call it that!) in front of strangers! Could you believe it? But I had fun doing it! ;)

moody...

It’s 11:30 a.m. and I just got out of bed. I was awake since 7 but it’s one of those days where I just don’t want to do anything. I’m feeling a little blue and I don’t even know why. I got up and the house is a mess! Again, don’t know where to begin. I guess I should start from the top and work my way down. I was getting ready to do so and saw that the computer was one, so I decided to blog instead. Have nothing much to say but complain…!

My little pinky finger hurts a lot. I don’t know if it’s from typing too much or what, but the knuckle hurts badly. I’m in a crappy mood and I’m not even on my period! Oh, well…!

I just learned from my hubby that we have bowling tonight. I should feel happy that we’re doing something together but like I said, I’m not really in the mood. And tonight we also have my aunt’s b-day party to go to. I guess I better get myself hyped up for it. I really hate feeling this way. I feel like I’m in some twilight zone and I just want to crawl in a hole for awhile and stay there until it’s all over. The bad thing is that I get all bitchy and moody that I can’t even stand myself, let alone other people.

Must think positive…must think happy thoughts….

winter wonderland...

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…! Christmas trees and Christmas lights…and
when I got off of work today, it started snowing. By the time I got to the school to pick up the kids, it was like a blizzard! I mean that snow was coming down. Everything was covered in a blanket of white snow. It actually looked beautiful. The first fallen snow always does.

Everything has been moving slow, including traffic. What would take us 10 minutes became 20 to 30. So of course, my son did not make it to his band recital. I feel bad for him but, honestly, he missed the last few practices and yesterday’s rehearsal so he might as well miss the recital too. Oh, well, he has a good excuse.

I looked out the window and it’s still snowing! Let’s see how much snow actually comes down. There will be a lot of snow shoveling and stuck cars tomorrow, that’s for sure!


At least it’s not as cold as yesterday. Oh, and by the way, today I got my gas bill…it came out to a whopping $489!!!!! I almost fell of my chair!

I may have to lower the heat to 50 or 60 degrees and wear coats inside the house! Geeze! And we’re barely in the beginning of December. Winter here does not end until March! Yikes!!!! What am I going to do?!!!

it's only the beginning...

I’ve been extremely busy at work this week.  And it’s only going to get worse.  That’s because the holidays are near and after next week, I will be on vacation until January 3.  My boss has been nervous because clients want things done before the New Year and so he wants to make sure that I get certain things completed before I leave on vacation.  Oh, I know it!  It’s gonna get crazy!

I just found out my son had band rehearsal today---a little too late now!  Apparently he is going to have his recital tomorrow.  How come I’m barely finding this out?  He’s already missed a few days of practice because he kept forgetting to take his instrument and then he went on a trip for a week and missed a couple more days.  So I don’t know if he should even go to his recital.  

Last year, he really wanted to play the saxophone.  We decided to get him in band.  But recently, he hasn’t been wanting to practice or anything.  Seems like he lost interest in it.  I’ve asked him several times and constantly have to yell at him over it but he just doesn’t want to do it.  I’m wondering why I even keep him in band.  It does cost money, which I could probably be using for other things.

A couple of years ago he was taking piano lessons and he was doing well.  But during that time, we didn’t own a piano.  And since he wanted to play the sax instead, I didn’t get him into piano lessons.  And, of course, now that we have a piano at home, he loves to practice playing it.  I don’t know if I should continue with his sax lessons or not.  Maybe I should just get him into piano lessons instead.  Unfortunately, he will not be able to keep his saxophone unless we pay for it.  Ugh!  What to do???

It’s been very cold and I mean cold!!!!  I can’t stand this weather anymore.  And this is only the beginning…!  I’m not even that old and I’m already feeling it!  My hands, especially, have been feeling it.  I don’t know but they almost feel foreign to me.  They feel heavy and my knuckles and joints have been hurting.  Please Lord, don’t let it be arthritis…that’s one of my biggest fears!

My husband wants me to turn up the heat, but it’s already at 70 degrees and the house still feels cold.  I’m just waiting for my gas bill.  I know it’s going to be a lot of $$$!!!!!

Well, gotta go now.  I’m going to drink some tea to keep warm.  

  

home for the holidays...!

I haven’t had time to get on the computer lately.  I’ve been so busy.  Last week, my hubby and my son took a mini vacation.  They left last Tuesday and came back on Sunday evening.  I’m glad they’re back but it almost seemed like they never left.  Before I knew it, they were home!

I know my hubby wasn’t too happy to get back.  It has been so cold!

Last week, I spent too much time on the computer trying to figure out how to download my pictures from my new digital camera.  And, I ended up spending three hours on the phone with a Kodak representative.  She finally told me that it was not the digital camera or the software that had the problem, but my computer.  For some reason, even though the software indicates that the download was complete and successful, when I try to download the pictures, it indicates that the “device or camera is not connected”, even though it is!  I’m still upset over this!  I don’t know what to do!

I had promised my daughter that I would not be on the computer and that we would do things together.  And on the second night, I prepared a nice dinner for the two of us to enjoy.  But this is how it went:  

Me:     Dinner is ready!  Let’s sit and have a nice dinner together.
D:     Can I go and eat in the living room instead so I can watch t.v.?
Me:     No.  I want us to have a quiet dinner.  
D:     But I want to watch t.v.
Me:     What about us talking and spending time together.
D:     Mom… but you’re boring!
Me:     Gee, thanks!

Yes, I was hurt!  My teenager thinks I’m boring …!

I finally sat her down and had a little talk with her.  She said to me that she was upset because she didn’t get to go with my husband and son.  I told her that it was their father and son trip together.  Plus, since she was having trouble with her grades, I told her she couldn’t afford to take that kind of time off.  I told her we needed to plan for our next mother/daughter trip.  She wants to go to Hawaii… how fun!  Maybe next year!

So for the rest of the week, we spent time doing things together. Unfortunately, it was too cold to do much, especially go downtown, like she wanted to.  Over the weekend she volunteered at the school so it kept us busy.    

I took my little niece with us on Sunday for “Tea with Santa”.  While my daughter was helping the little children with the arts/crafts, my niece was making different Christmas ornaments.  She had so much fun doing so.  Then came Santa….she was so excited and happy to see him!  I took her to take a picture with Santa.

Santa:  “Hello, and what is your name?”
Niece:     “My name is Italee.”
Santa:     “And what would you like for Christmas Italee?”
Niece:     “I want for everyone to believe in you Santa.”
Santa:   (I don’t think he expected that response!) He smiled and said, “Why, thank you!  
             And do you believe in me?”
Italee:     “Yes, Santa, I believe in you!”

She was so happy to have met Santa!  She turned around and said to me, “This is the best day of my life!”

My gosh!  Time is really flying!   Weren’t we just getting ready for Thanksgiving?  I got reminded today that our Christmas party at work is next Friday.  Next Thursday is my last day at work since I’m taking two weeks off for the holidays.  We originally planned to go out of town but apparently, I was told that maybe our family from NM are coming down to spend Christmas here instead.  

I’m actually looking forward to attending the X-mas party... maybe I should not take that Friday off so as not to waste a vacation day.  Every year, they give out a free trip…maybe, if I’m lucky, I will win!  But I have to be there to win.

Now, my hubby mentioned to me that the family is probably not coming after all.  So, I don’t know if we are going or staying!  

And since we had mentioned to our friends that we were not going out of town, they are looking forward and are already planning on having a New Years party at our house.  

I don’t know… with us, it’s always last minute things….we’ll see…!

frustrated...!

Yesterday, I got another early Christmas gift!  I don’t know why, but this is my second early gift this year.  

On Thanksgiving, my sister got me a karaoke machine.  She knows I love to sing (even though I suck!)  And the reason she gave it to me early was because she knew it was going to entertain the kids on Thanksgiving and later on Christmas…and it sure did!  They had so much fun with it.  I actually had to fight with my kids to get a few words of a song in…!  

And now, I have another early present… my very own digital camera!  Yay!  I’m so excited!!!!  I’ve spent too much money already on disposal cameras, getting them developed and putting the pictures on CD that it just made sense that I spend that kind of money on a real digital camera.  I have wanted one for so long that my hubby finally got it for me.  He couldn’t wait until Christmas to give it to me and I couldn’t wait to open my present until then.  

So here I am taking pictures and loving it!  I tried it out… things look good.  I’m not very good at taking pictures, but I love sending pics to my family and friends who I connect with over the Internet and e-mail.  My son now wants one too.  He seems to enjoy taking pictures like me. I told him as soon as I feel comfortable enough with the camera, I will show him how to use it and let him take some pictures too.

But now I noticed one thing wrong… I cannot make it download my pictures.  I already installed the program, connected the USB cable to camera/computer and nothing happens.  I tried transferring from the computer and it keeps giving a “device not found”, or “device not connected”.  I read the instructions, I went into the website, and nothing seems to work!  I just don’t know what to do.  I don’t know if I’m missing something, or it’s the camera that doesn’t function.   But I have a feeling it’s my computer.  After all, it’s a few years old.  I do have Windows 2000 though so I would think there shouldn’t be a problem. But who knows…?  I’m going to have to try it out on another computer to see if it works or I’m the one with the problem!  Too bad…!

And of course, as I’m spending time trying to figure this out, cussing out my computer and my new camera, I start smelling something burning.  It smelled like melting plastic.  Earlier, my son had been making hamburgers on the stove.  He enjoys cooking (it’s a good thing because I suck at that too!)  So I had to get up and check up on him a few times to make sure eh didn’t burn anything and while there, I took a picture of him cooking.  So when I smelled something burning, I yelled out to him to see if he accidentally burned something.  He said, “No mom, I’ve already finished and I turned the stove off.”  The smell was getting stronger and stronger, so I had to get off my butt and check out the stove.  Nothing.  I asked my daughter if she new what may be burning and she said, “Come here, let me show you”.  I’m like, “What do you mean?”  “Are you burning something?”   She takes me downstairs to the basement where we also have an extra oven and she says, “I think the tray burned.”   “What tray?” I asked.  “The tray where I put the pizza on."  I opened the oven door and sure enough, she had used a plastic tray to warm up the pizza in the oven.  “Why did you use a plastic tray?”  “Don’t you know it melts?!”  My daughter answers, “I didn’t know it was plastic.”  Knowing my daughter, I think she just got whatever was downstairs instead of going upstairs to the kitchen to get a pizza tray.

So I carefully removed the pizza from the oven as it was too hot.  The good thing is that she had wrapped most of the plastic in foil so the pizza was still good but the plastic did melt and it dripped all over the oven racks and the bottom of the oven.  I took the racks out and proceeded to clean them out.  I had to use a butter knife to scrape most of the hardened plastic that got stuck on them.  I ended up with several burns, cuts on my hands and fingers!  I was so upset!  I told my daughter that next time if she wasn’t sure about something to ask.  I’m glad we didn’t leave the house or fall asleep!  

And as I was scraping off the bottom of the stove trying to get the hardened plastic off, I turned around to get a rag from the sink and there was my husband sitting on a chair watching me!  I let out a scream!  He scared the hell out of me!  He said to me, “You see, I’ve been here for a while and you didn’t even know I was here.”  “I could have been a burglar.”  

He was gone most of the day and I swear I never heard him come in.  I guess I get too involved with things.  I have to be careful.  First my daughter almost burns the house down and then, I could have had a burglar inside the house!  

And right now, I am totally frustrated that I can’t download my pictures to my computer!

Thanksgiving...

I can’t believe Thanksgiving has come and gone!

It took me two days to clean out my house and get it ready for Thanksgiving. I was so glad when that got done!

As is tradition, we have Thanksgiving dinner at my house. And every year the family keeps growing.

My dining room table seats 6 and my kitchen table seats 4. So for Thanksgiving we always put those two tables together in the dining room to seat up to 13 people. The kids are seated on an extra table, which is set in the living by opening up the doors from the dining room to the living room so we can all be together.

This year, my sister and I were counting how many people were coming over this year and found out that we had a total of 20 adults and 10 kids. There was no way we were going to be able to seat that many people in my dining room ---although we were missing a few family members this year---we also added a couple of new ones.

In order for everyone to be seated at the table, we decided to set up the tables in the living room and moved the sofas into the dining room. We manage to seat all 19 adults in the living room by putting three tables together. There was only enough space on one side of the table for people to walk through.

My sister came over early on Thanksgiving to prepare and cook the turkey (and in the end, she pretty much cooked everything else!) My husband, who usually cooks the ham, had my sister do that too. I usually make the simple things like stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and the veggies. But this year, I only cleaned!

The rest of the family also brought a dish, deserts, sodas and wine with them. We had two turkeys, ham, stuffed chicken, rice, salad, stuffing, corn, green beans, three types of potatoes (mashed/fried/cheese au gratin potatoes); stuffed green peppers, corn muffins, biscuits and gravy. There was so much food! I think I gained 10 pounds! I am still stuffed from everything we ate!

After dinner, the adults sat around the table or in the dining room where the sofas were set, while the kids went downstairs in the basement to play and have their own little party there with the new karaoke machine that my sister gave us as an early Christmas present. It kept the kids entertained all night long!

Unfortunately, I do not have a dishwasher so my aunt helped me with the dishes, while others cleared the tables. Once we had that done, then it was time for desert. Who had room with all that food we consumed? After looking at those homemade pies and cookies, believe me, we made some room for it!

Finally, after everyone left, I still ended up staying up until 3 a.m. cleaning out the rooms and doing the left over dishes so I didn’t have to do too much the next day. (Next on my X-mas list…a dishwasher!)

It just amazes me how much work is put into this and in a few hours worth of time, everything is over. Fortunately, everything turned out well. We had a feast --dinner was delicious--but more importantly we enjoyed each other’s company.

trying to get ready for Thanksgiving...

Last week and over the weekend, I was very busy.  Friday, after work I went and got my hair colored and cut.  It’s short again and the color is chestnut brown.  I actually had a guy do my hair this time…I think I like it!  So by the time I got home I was already running late for one my friend’s daughter’s birthday party.  On Saturday, I cleaned the living room and waited for the furniture guy to come repair my couch that had a spring sticking out.  He didn’t show up until almost 2:30 p.m.  

On Sunday, I was helping out at a fundraiser that we were holding for the baseball league and didn’t get home until late in the evening.  So I really didn’t get much done at home.    

This morning I got to work late.  Got there and my boss was already there in a meeting.  Had me doing too many things at once that I actually ended up screwing something up!  Damn!  Not good…!  I think I’m losing it!

I’m getting stressed and I’m feeling it.  But it’s my own fault.  As always, when it comes to home, I tend to wait until the last minute to get things done.  Right now, I’m in the process of clearing some things out in my basement.  And of course, I keep getting interrupted.  If it’s not the kids, it’s the dogs or my husband.  So here I am taking a mini break.  

I just can’t believe that Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  I kept thinking I still had another week or so.  How times flies!!!!  

And to boot, certain sections of my house do not have electricity.  Why?  I don’t know.  I may have blown a fuse, or possibly something even worse!  My husband doesn’t know much about electricity so he called a friend to check out the fuse box.  That guy said, it doesn’t look like it’s the fuse box; it may be something more of an electrical problem!    Great!  Just great!

My husband called an electrician.  He’s supposed to come to check it out tomorrow.   I hope it’s not too serious!  And I hope he can fix it before Thanksgiving!

I know I have a lot of cleaning up to do at home.  Again, don’t know where to begin.  Everywhere I turn there is a mess!  Can’t seem to get this house in any kind of order.  Where did I go wrong?  Every day, it seems to be getting worse and worse.  

I decided to begin by cleaning and clearing out some of the junk in the basement.  Hopefully, I can get it clean enough to look presentable.  

I know there will be quite a few people coming over for Thanksgiving and there’s much to be done.  So I gotta cut with the chit chat!  Gotta go!  

it's coooold....!

Last weekend, the winds were blowing at 35-45 mph.  Soon the temperature began to drop.  Now, it’s really cold!  This morning I heard on the weather report that it was 30 degrees and will probably drop as low as 9 degrees tonight! Brrrrrr!

It is so cold outside that my lips are already chapped and my hands are very dry.  I hate this weather!   When I went to work this morning, the wind was hitting my face and it felt like little razors slicing at my skin.  My eyes began to tear and my ear lobes began to feel numb from the cold.  I didn’t have a hat on so I took off my scarf and wrapped it around my head.  I didn’t care how I looked…hell…when it’s this cold all I care about is keeping myself warm.

As I was waiting for the train, a young girl walks by me.  She was wearing a light jacket, no scarf, gloves or hat.  You can tell she was freezing but I’m sure she thought she looked cool.  I thought to myself… yeah, I remember those days… walking like “I can handle it!”   I remember one time a friend of mine came out with her hair wet.  It was so cold that when she touched her hair, it was frozen!  She actually snapped off a piece of her hair that’s how frozen it was!  Could you believe it?!

Funny, how as you get older, you realize f**ck this shit!  I’m not stupid!  

driving...

My biggest sin in life is that I don’t drive!  How awful is that!  I know, I know, how can I possibly not drive?  People tell me, “I would be lost without my car!”  

Not me!  I hate driving!  I’ve managed to avoid driving all these years.  But now that my kids are getting older and they have to be driven to practices, school, etc., I have been forced to drive.  If it were up to me, I would never drive.   How have I managed?  Thank God for my hubby, family, friends and public transportation.  But this all coming to and end.  It has come to a point where they are all pushing me to drive and I know it’s for my own good.  I’ve come to realize that I can no longer depend on other people.  And I have to start thinking about my kids.  

My husband and I have fought over this many a times.  You don’t know how many nights I’ve cried and blamed myself for things that happened because of this.  I think to myself, “What kind of mother am I?”   And in the end I feel like shit and depressed because I know it’s my own fault.  I picture how things would be if only I could drive.  I would be able to go to many places and take my kids to wherever they want to go without having to wait on anybody.  And yet, when it comes down to it, I can’t manage to get in the car and go.  

My problem… I think I have a fear of driving.  When I get behind the wheel, I start getting nervous.  My body begins to tremble.  I hold on to the steering wheel so tight, that after a period of time, my hands begin to feel numb.

I don’t know why, but I begin to imagine that cars are coming right on top of me.  I can almost picture it in my mind, me driving and having an accident.  I guess that’s one of my biggest fears, especially, when I have my kids in the car.  I sometimes feel like I’m going to have a panic attack.

How did I manage to get my driver’s license?   The first time I took the driving test, I failed it because I got so nervous that I screwed up.  The second time around, I made sure that I was calm and ready.  And I actually did it.  I was so happy when I got my license.  I thought for sure I would be driving like everyone else.  But to this day, it still hasn’t happened.

Normally, I don’t want the kids talking to me or have the radio playing.  I feel like it distracts me and I can’t concentrate.  But yesterday, for whatever reason, I was actually feeling good and had the radio on.  My kids were asking a few questions and I was responding.  I then realized, “Wow!”  I’m actually driving without feeling nervous!  I started getting confident… and maybe a little too confident!  

When I was pulling out of the alley to get to my driveway, I heard one of my old favorite songs.  I raised the volume and was singing away to the tune, and as I turned to pull up on my driveway, next thing I know, I bumped into something and hard.  What the hell!  I guess I didn’t turn the wheel enough to avoid hitting the little lip that separates the front yard from the driveway.  The kids began to shriek and laugh.  And I began to get nervous.  What’s worse, some of my neighbors were out and others were walking on the sidewalk.  I’m trying to calm down and act normal, like I know what I’m doing.  I was putting my foot on the breaks, so I thought, and I accidentally hit the gas instead.  So there goes the truck, slamming on the lip again!  Shit!  I turn to see the couple of people that were watching me as they soon began to laugh too. OMG!  How embarrassing!  

I was so nervous that I tried reversing and bam!  I hit the lip again!  What is going on here?  What the hell am I doing?  Well, I forgot to change the shift to reverse!  What a dumb ass!  My kids thought this was all funny and I’m here having a heart attack!  My neighbors probably thought I was drunk!

I finally set it on reverse, fixed my wheel, put it on drive and drove into my driveway the right way.  I actually managed to turn off the ignition, get out of the car and act as if nothing had happened!  But of course, my kids wouldn’t let up. They got out and started saying out loud, “Mom!”  “Look what you did to the lip!” “You cracked it!” I’m looking at them and saying, “Get inside the house now!”  My daughter says, “Oh, I think you scratched daddy’s car!”  “Mom, what’s wrong with you?!”  

I felt so embarrassed!  I went inside the house upset with myself.  I wanted to cry.  Then I started thinking, if this incident happened in the driveway, imagine what would have happened if I were parking out on the street!  

After I manage to calm down a little, I began thinking about it.  It suddenly became funny to me.  I began to laugh at myself.  “What a dork!”  Oh, well…!  

Slowly I’ve been improving, day by day.  But it’s going to take some time.  I just wish I would hurry up and do it!

depression...

What is depression?  

It’s not something that you think about, but many women, men and even children suffer from it.  Feelings of depression are caused by a chemical change that affects how the brain functions so it is considered a medical illness.  Some People have to be treated and given medication to help them get through life.  

I know of a few friends, including family members who suffer from depression, whether it has been diagnosed or not.

I don’t think I suffer from depression, but I’ve shown some symptoms.  And yet, I can’t bring myself to talk about it with family or friends.  So I think I’m going to write about it instead.  

Here’s a questionnaire that I’ve answered:  

Feeling sad - There have been many occasion when suddenly, it just creeps up on me.  And bam!  I’m depressed!  I have this feeling of hopelessness, sadness and feeling like I’m never going to be happy or content with my life.  There are times I feel so alone even when I have people around me.  I think to myself, “Why am I here?”  You say, “Mid-life crisis?”  No.  I’m not there yet.  And no, I am not at the stage where I have to know “the meaning of life”.    

Increased/decrease appetite/weight – Sometimes I get this feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach.  Some people lose their appetite.  But not me!  How do I relieve that feeling of emptiness?  I eat!  I eat, even when I’m not hungry hoping that that will help fill the void.  Therefore, the weight gain!  

Sleep – I don’t have a hard time falling asleep.  Unless, of course, I have something in mind that I am worried about.  But there have been times when I don’t want to get out of bed at all.  Although this hasn’t happened as often, because I’ve forced myself to get up, especially when my kids are around, it’s impossible to stay in bed.  But when it does hit, I do stay in bed and I sleep for long periods of time.  I get this feeling of never wanting to wake up.  

Concentration/decision making - I feel very indecisive.  I spend too much time trying to figure out simple matters like how I should decide or what should I say.  It is so frustrating!  I have a hard time concentrating too.  When someone speaks to me, I begin to get nervous and my mind tends to wonder.  I only hear half of what they’re saying and at times I don’t even remember what they said to me.  

View of my self – There are times when I think I truly hate myself.  I am very critical of me, so I’m never happy with myself.  I am also more self-blaming than usual.  I feel like things happen and its all my fault.  I tend to feel like I cause problems for others, especially my family.  

General Interests - I have been less interested in being around people and activities.  There are times when my husband and I fight because, I don’t what to go out or do anything.  I have friends that I haven’t seen in a long time even though we live nearby but whom I try to avoid because I don’t feel good about myself.  I’m always finding something wrong with me, my clothes, etc.  Using every excuse not to do anything.  I rather stay home.  I’m still young.  So why do I feel this way?  

Feeling slowed down - My life seems to be always in a rush.  So when I start feeling blue, I tend to slow down, I can’t move fast enough, in fact I don’t want to move at all.    I also have a hard time responding to simple questions.  It’s almost like I can’t get my words organized in my mind so they come out totally garbled or backwards.  Maybe I’m just thinking too fast but the words come out too slow, I stutter and I feel stupid!

Energy level – There are times when I think I can’t handle it anymore.  I have no more energy.  I want to give up.  My family is what keeps me going, but it’s hard at times.  I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone.  

Restlessness – When I get that empty feeling inside, I tend to get restless.  I worry too much.  I try hard not to think about it, but it keeps running in my mind over and over until I feel like I’m going to explode.  I need to do something but what?  

And last, but not least…

Thoughts of Death or Suicide – I have to admit, I have thought about death.  There were times when I have felt so useless that I’ve wondered if I am worth living.  But in all honesty, even with all those bad feelings, I am scared of dying.  Death is so final and I love my family enough to want to live.  So, no, I don’t want to kill myself.  I may have thought about it once or twice, but I would never consider hurting myself, or acting on it.  Life is too precious and no matter what, I do appreciate it.  

Even though at times I feel like there is no hope, I don’t know where it comes from, but I find it in me to push myself to continue moving forward.   And when I do, I feel alive!  I feel like shouting out “Yes!”  “Life is worth living!”

So to summarize my mini-diagnosis - the reality is - I know I have to make certain changes in order to help me improve my outlook in life.  There are ways to help (i.e., relaxation, exercise and being able to modify or adjust the way I do things).  

Are there signs of depression here…maybe?  But in my case, it may be that depression is all in the mind.  

grey mood...

Last Saturday, the winds were blowing so hard that most of the leaves fell off the huge chestnut tree on my backyard.  The tree was full of leaves and I was beginning to wonder when and if they were going to fall off.  Most of the leaves hadn’t even turned yellow yet.  They were still green!  They don’t call it the Windy City for nothing.

This morning, I woke up to a dark gray sky.  (Sigh)  It’s finally starting to feel like winter.  It’s getting cold and today it has been raining and drizzling all day.  What’s worse, by 4:00 o’clock it seems like it is 8:00!  Pretty soon we won’t see the sun much!   It really puts me in a lousy, depressing mood!   This sucks!

going to the movies...

Last Saturday, I was on the phone with my mom and we talked for a couple of hours.  I hardly ever see her anymore.  She does not live near me so I only get to see her on occasion and only on the weekends.  We were just chatting away when I remembered to tell her about my little incident of when I thought I had lost my daughter.  I told her how awful and scared I felt for those 20 minutes that I didn’t know where my daughter was.  My mom says to me, “You see, now you know how I felt the day I lost you!”  I began to laugh because I remember it like it was yesterday.  In fact, one day out of the blue I saw it clearly in mind (almost like a little movie playing in my mind).  At first, I thought it was a dream but when I told my mom about it, she confirmed everything.  Funny how I could remember something that happened a long time ago but I can’t remember things that happened yesterday.  

I was born in Mexico and lived in a small town near Guadalajara.  My dad left Mexico to come to the United States to work, while my mom and I stayed behind and lived with my grandma.  

I was two or three years old at the time and my mom would take me to the movies almost every weekend.  My mom told me that I loved going to the movies because every time we would get ready to go out, I would get excited and ask if we were going there.  

Here is what I remember:

My mom was brushing my hair and I asked her if we were going to the movies.  My mom says, “No, we’re not.”  She kept brushing my hair… “Mom… are we going to the movies?”  “No!”  Well, after asking one too many times and even after my mom had said no several times, she finally gave in and said, “Yes, we’re going to the movies”.  (Later I found out that my mom was really getting us ready to go visit an aunt who was ill.)

While she was finishing getting ready, I became very impatient.  And what I remember next is getting a chair that was near the door and moving it closer so I could climb up on it to open the lock.  Once I unlocked the door, I remember getting off the chair and opening it.    

I don’t know how I walked in the theater without anyone noticing me.  But next thing I know, I was there by myself sitting in the theater.  I remember thinking “when is this movie going to start?”  I kept looking around and no one was there.  All I saw was a blank white screen.  

After that, I don’t know if I fell asleep or not, but eventually someone found me.  By then, I was sitting on a bench by the front entrance of the theater.  I remember it well... I saw two ladies working the candy/food counter and they were putting the food on display.  I kept thinking to myself how hungry I was and how I wished they would give me something to eat (ha! seems to me that’s all I think about, even today…!)

I don’t remember much after that.  

While I continued talking on the phone with my mom and reliving this little piece of my life, she told me it was the worst day of her life.  She said it happened during the “fiestas” so there were lots of people coming into town.   She said she was afraid someone had picked me up and taken me away.  There was a big river near by and they also feared that I had gone there and possibly drowned!  She had the whole family looking for me.  They went to all the nearby businesses, including the theater.  She asked around the theater if they had seen a little girl and no one did.  By then, she had the whole town looking for me.  But after few hours of looking high and low, and no sight of me, everyone began to panic.  My mom said she felt like she was going to die.  It was a total nightmare!  

Finally, one of my aunts decided to go back to theater in hopes of finding me.  She asked the ladies at the counter again if they had seen a little girl and one of the ladies said to my aunt, “you must be looking for this little girl, she’s been sitting here quietly by herself.”  And that’s when they found me.  Yes, I was there looking innocently sitting on the bench all by myself.   Of course, my mom said that no one could believe that a little girl would walk to theater by herself.  Now remember I was only 2 or 3 years old when this happened.  The theater was about 4-6 blocks from where I lived and across from the plaza.  So picture me as a little toddler walking by myself for several blocks, crossing a few streets and no one ever saw me.  How did this happen?  I have no idea!

All I know is that I must have really loved going to the movies!  And I still do!

be thankful...

Friday we had a baby shower for one of my friends at work.  Many of our coworkers and friends attended the shower, including girls that had already left the firm but came just for this occasion.  She had a great turn out.  She received many baby gifts, including cash.  What a lucky baby…!

That same day, my daughter had to attend a wake.  The mother of one of her classmates passed away.  She was fighting a battle against cancer and it finally took its toll.  It was so sad to learn of her passing away.  I spoke to my daughter about it because I knew she had many questions and she was saddened to see one of her classmates having to go through this hard time in such a young age.   My heart goes out to the family and may God bless them and give them strength.  

Friday was also “C’s” birthday.  She is a close friend of ours.   She did not have plans for that night so we took her out for pizza and beer.  We invited several other friends to join us.  One of our friends was not going to make it to the pizza party because she had to go to a wake.  And while sitting at the restaurant, we came to discover that another good friend of ours, whose company we enjoy so much, was not going to make it to the party either.  She has had a couple surgeries in the past and was doing well…she is also fighting a battle with cancer.  But now, I was told she was in and out of the hospital for the past week and has to go through chemo.   She is such a happy person who has a wonderful voice and loves to sing.  I hope she continues to beat this cancer and will soon recover.  We will keep her in our prayers.

When I was in high school, I too lost a very dear friend to cancer.  She was only sixteen.   Her name was Carmen.  She was a kind person who was always happy.  No matter what was going on in her life and even though she was going through tough times, she always managed to make us laugh.  How sad that her family had to lose such a wonderful young lady.  I will never forget her.

Today, I went to another baby shower for our friend “S”.  She had many friends and family members to help her celebrate that special occasion.  She received many wonderful gifts for her baby but nothing compares to the love and happiness that her soon to arrive bundle of joy will bring.  

I began to wonder about life.  Some are here celebrating the beginning of a new life, while others are grieving the loss of a loved one.  There is so much more I would like to say about this, but I’m not sure if I even know how to express my feelings at this time.  

Things do happen for a reason, even though sometimes it’s hard for us to understand why or make any sense of it.   But when we are fortunate enough to live life, it can truly be an amazing experience!  

I know at times we may not think so, but every day that we are alive is truly a blessing.  We should take one day at time and be thankful for our good health, our family and friends.    

memories...

There have been so many things happening lately. Too many changes…hopefully for the better. For one thing, we finally closed on the property we’ve been trying to sell! Yeah! It was about time and we sold it to developers who also bought the house next door. They are going to demolish both properties and construct new condos.

Although, I’m happy that we sold our property, it also makes me sad to let it go. Not only was it our first property and home together but also it was where our kids spent their first few years of their lives growing up. We drove by the house the other day, and it brought back so many memories.

I remember when we first moved in. I started to wonder what the hell were we thinking buying that house and in that neighborhood? It was gang city! There were gang members hanging around on every corner of our block. Every weekend, we would wake up to the sound of a car alarm, as it was being broken into or left to burn on the alley behind our house. We got ours broken into a couple of times. We’ve had to call the fire department several times. We used to live across the street from an elementary school and the gang members would hold their gang meetings in the school’s playground! Could you believe it!? I’ll never forget late one Sunday afternoon, we came out to go to the store and there must have been over 50 guys outside (I’m not exaggerating either!) on the school’s playground! People were afraid to come out and too scared to call cops, they just did not want to get involved in case the gang members found out who ratted on them. The gangs had run of the whole neighborhood.

Every week there was at least one gang shooting. One night, my husband was about to walk out the front door but my dog went out before him. And the next thing we knew, we heard gunshots! A guy was running forward as he was holding his gun and shooting behind him. Our dog was sitting by the front gate just watching them run by. My husband quickly stepped inside. I was at the top of the stairs yelling out to him, “Get Beau inside and close the door!” He was against the wall near the door yelling back at me saying, “Hell no!” “I don’t want to get shot!”

So you ask yourself, why would you miss that? Well, soon things began to change.

When my hubby suspected something was going on or about to happen, or just knowing that a little group was beginning to form on the corner of our block, he would call the cops…day and night!

Every garage door was filled with gang graffiti and the alleys were dirty and full of garbage. One day, my husband bought a couple of cans of paint and began to paint over our garage door, including our next-door neighbor’s. The following day, there would be more graffiti. And once again, there goes my husband getting the paint and painting over it. He did this not once or twice but several times. Each time there was graffiti on the property, he would paint over it. He wouldn’t give up! He then went around asking our neighbors if he could do the same to their garage doors. Some neighbors would say, “What for, they’ll only do it again! It’s a waste of money and paint!” Others were astonished but happy that there was someone willing to do it!

My hubby and I would also get up and start cleaning out the garbage from our alley every Sunday morning. We would start with our side and soon he ended up going all the way to the end of the alley. At first, being the “bitch” that I am, I said to him, “Why are you cleaning up after everybody?” “Let them do the work!” And he would say, “Just leave me alone, I know what I’m doing.” And sure enough, one day a neighbor came out and began to help us, and for the next couple of weeks a couple more neighbors began to join us in the clean up. I was amazed! Not only were people no longer afraid to come outside, but also our alleys were beginning to look clean and our garage doors were free of graffiti!

Late one night, we came home from a party and as we were walking towards the house, my husband stops me and says, “Do you hear that?” I’m looking around thinking “Oh shit!” I’m starting to get scared. He says, “No, no, listen!” I’m looking at him wondering what the hell is he talking about? I don’t hear anything! Then it hit me. I knew what he meant. For the first time ever, our block was quiet. The only sound came from a couple of cars driving by. I looked around the school and at the corner…no more gangs hanging around!

Pretty soon, cops would drive by everyday to keep and eye on our neighborhood. No, more cars burning in the alley, no more drug dealings, no more pit bull fights and no more gang shootings!

Yes!!!! With the help of our neighbors, we finally took over!

We’ve had our share of good times and bad times. But one of the memories that came to mind was of my two little kids walking out the front gate carrying their little backpacks on their way to school, smiling and waving goodbye at me and I had a sense of relief knowing that they would be o.k.

Another hectic day...

I had a hectic day today. After going to bed way past midnight, I managed to get up at 6 this morning. I knew I had to get up and put the clothes in the dryer (my daughter needed her uniform, which I didn't put to wash until late last night).

As a school assignment, my daughter had to present a recipe for her class. She picked "arroz con leche" (rice with milk). I thought easy! You boil the rice, add the milk, lower the heat, simmer, add sugar and cinnamom to taste and presto, it's done!

When it would get cold outside, my mom used to make it for us when we were kids and we loved it. You can have it as a hot breakfast or as a snack/desert. It shouldn't take more than 30 minutes to prepare. I'm not sure what went wrong but it took us a little over an hour before the arroz con leche was finally cooked! I put some in a container for my daughter to take to school. By then, I had to rush to get the kids and myself ready. When I finally walked out the door, I took the bus to the train station so I woudn't miss my train. And just as I reached the station, the train was already there. I ran down the ramp as fast as I could to try to catch it before it took off. I actually broke a sweat! This is becoming a regular thing for me. It's the only exercise I get! The train conductor was nice enough to wait for me and a couple other people that were running behind me. Most conductors don't even bother. Even if they see you getting close, they leave. I hate that! When I reached for the doors, I was gasping for air. I could barely say "thank you". I'm huffing and puffing trying to catch my breath. I could feel the sweat running down my back! Phew! I made it! If I continue doing this every day, I may lose a pound or two!

At work, it's always the same old thing. Everything is urgent! Just as I was getting things done, we had a fire drill. We all got ready and left our desks, walked one floor down the stairwell and stood by hallway next to the elevators until they told us we can go back to our desks. The only good thing about that interruption was the fireman...oooh, was he hot! He explained to us what to do in case of a real fire and my mind started to wonder... yes, I was thinking fire... it was more like...baby, come put out my fire!

Just as I was getting started on another project, I had to leave my desk for a 30 minute training class. The instructor was having trouble with the computer she was working on so she couldn't demonstrate some of the things she wanted to show us. And to boot, the computer I was on did not work either! What the hell! So by the time we moved ahead, the training course ended being be a whole hour. What a waste of time! My boss didn't seem too happy when I came back to my desk. He already had another big pile ready for me to send out immediately. Now I had to rush to get those things done before I left work. And of course, today I had to leave earlier than usual because I had to go to the parent/teacher conference at school.

When I arrived at school, I was right on time and so was my husband. That's a first for him. He's always running late! We met with my daughter's SS teacher. He was very nice. Even though her overall grade in that class was a B-, he was concerned that her tests scores were very low. He showed us the answers given on her test which gave us the impression that she did not understand the question. "She may have trouble with comprehension," he said. Once or twice a week, she's taken out of class to go see Mr. Z, an English teacher who helps her with her assignments. I was hoping that this was not going to be the case, as she was not too keen about this. We explained to her that once she showed us she can improve her test scores and grades, she will not have to go to Mr. Z anymore. But in the meantime, she will do so and we will also be working with her in trying to encourage and guide her.

All in all, the teachers had good things to say about my kids. But the reality is my daughter needs extra help. I wonder if, just to be on the safe side, I should take her to a learning center to get her tested?

how embarrassing...!

After a hard day at work, an exciting afternoon with Beyoncé and a long discussion with my daughter regarding her grades, I was exhausted!

There was a pile of dishes to be washed and laundry to do. So I changed into my pajamas to get ready to work some more. As I was washing the dishes, I remembered that there was a deadline to enroll my daughter in her confirmation process. I went to check on the papers that I had (I was sure the deadline was tomorrow). Wrong! The deadline was today by 9:00 p.m. I hadn’t even filled the registration form or the confirmation letters yet. One letter had to be filled and signed by my daughter and the other by us. It was getting late so I asked my husband to fill out the form while I rushed to go and get dressed again.

We went to drop off the forms at the Rectory and, before driving back home, we decided to stop at Walgreens to pick up something sweet to eat (not that we don’t have enough Halloween candy already!) My husband had a taste for ice cream. While at the store, I figure I might as well get shampoo and conditioner for me. As we were standing looking for my hair products, my husband runs into someone who used to work for him. He introduces me and we chatted for a little bit. We finally went to the checkout line and my husband says, “Oh my God!” “Have you seen the way you’re dressed?” The lady at the cash register looks at me and says, what’s wrong with that? “I’ve gone out with my pajamas.” I know I was not wearing my pajamas… then I realized what I was wearing… I couldn’t believe I had actually come out looking like that! It never fails… why is it that you always run into people you know when you least want to be seen?

This was my wardrobe…I was wearing my black work shoes, my husband’s red sweat pants, which fit me loose, my son’s black/grey sweater, and get this… my light green blouse, which was showing, under my sweater! “I can’t believe you let me walk out of the house looking like this!” I yelled at my husband. He just laughed and walked away acting like he didn’t know me and was embarrassed to walk with me! What a jerk! Then I noticed something too, I looked down at his feet and what do I see? He was wearing his dirty old, ragged sneakers with his little toes sticking out of them! Ha! Who’s embarrassing now?!

a glimpse of Beyonce...

Meet Beyoncé Knowles…

“Beyoncé is introducing her dazzling new fragrance “True Star Gold”, created by Tommy Hilfiger. Come experience this electrifying new scent. Be one of the first to purchase True Star Gold Eau de Toilette Spray and have Beyoncé personally sign the box, while time permits. For a limited time, True Star Gold is available exclusively at Marshall Field's.”

After work, I went to Marshall Fields in hopes of being able to catch a glimpse of Beyoncé. This time, I carried with me, in my purse, a disposal camera with about six pictures left to go. When I got to MF, there was a long ass line. I asked one of the persons in line what they were doing there and she said that it was the line to buy Beyoncé’s perfume. There was no way, I was going to get on that long, and I mean long, line! It curved all the way to the other side of the store. I decided to walk by the cosmetic department instead, when I heard the screaming fans. I turned around and followed the screams in the crowd. I was trying to see where she was but there were too many people in that one area.

Of course, now that I have a camera, there was no way in that mass of people I was going to be able to take a picture of her. But I squeezed myself into the crowd anyway. When I finally caught a glimpse of Beyoncé, she was standing across from us but several objects in front were blocking my view. I’m just too damn short!

People who were in line next to us, had to show the box and receipt of their purchase of the perfume in order to get to meet her. They were getting closer to their chance of meeting Beyoncé. Good for them! If I had the time and energy to stand for hours, maybe I would have considered it. But there must have been a least 600 people in the store, and there were over a hundred in line waiting for chance to meet her in person. I’m sure after a while, some of them never made it because after all it was for a limited time only. I feel sorry for them.

It was getting to the point where it was too crowded and people began to push and shove. A lady in front of me was kind enough to let me go in front of her so I could try to take a picture. Thanks nice lady! As best as I could, I was able to take a couple of snap shots (which I’m sure are going to suck big time with my cheap disposable) but hey, at least I tried.

It soon became too stuffy in there and I’ve finally had enough. I really wanted to catch a better glimpse of Beyoncé but it was getting late and it was time for me to leave. I knew the only thing I was going to miss catching at this point, if I didn’t hurry, was my train!

grades...

My kids got their report cards yesterday.  My son got A’s and a couple of B’s.  And my daughter got A, B’s and a few C’s.  I believe they did pretty good right?  I think so.

Homework assignments do count as major part of their grade so the B’s my son got were due to late assignments (points were taken off).   We have already discussed this little problem with him and he continues to have at least one assignment late or missing.  I know he completes the assignment because I check it every night and I see him putting it away in his folder.  But once he gets to school, I don’t know what he does with it, he never seems to find it!

I am concerned for my daughter too.  She was having a hard time last year and she did not do too well in her last report card.  But this quarter, according to her grades, she got A in Art, Computer, Spanish and PE; B- in SS and B in Music.  She got C’s in Religion, Math and Science and a C- in English.   So she’s come along way from last year.  I’m proud of her because I know she’s been trying hard.  We also have a friend whose tutoring her and that has helped her improve her grades.  

Today, she showed us her math test that she took last week.  She got an F!   That’s not the only F she’s gotten this quarter.  I don’t know what to do.  She takes good notes, writes them down again and she studies every night.  And yet when she takes a test, she still has trouble.  Tomorrow I have to go to the parent/teacher conference.     Let’s see how it goes…

The mysterious bite...

This morning, I got up early even after I went to bed late last night. When I went down stairs to let the dogs out, I got Chiquis out of her kennel and noticed she had a dark mark on her little head. I couldn't figure it out if it was dirt, a mark or a.... Oh, no... not again! And on her first week back home! I am reliving this moment once again! Remember Chino? He was bitten by Beau and had a big cut on his face. Well, it seems Chiquis has been a victim of a bite too. When did this happen that I didn't noticed it before? It's a case of who dunnit? Was it Beau or was it Coqueta? Damn!

So here I go again...on my way to the Vet! Geeze! I don't think they're surprised to see me anymore. I'm forever indebted to them! Chiquis got her vaccinations for the year and now has two staples on her head. Ay, ya, yay! What next? I'm afraid to ask!

Words to live by...

Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “...holy shit...what a ride!”

inhale...exhale...!

After I got off the train and walked towards the school, I noticed my hubby had left the car parked nearby so I could drive the kids home.

It was almost time for my kids to get out of school and by the time I reached it, the children were barely coming out, so I waited. My son (“B”) was the first one out. I called my sister while waiting for my daughter (“D) to come out. My sis was telling me how she was having a hard time cleaning out her house. After Saturday’s Halloween party, there was a huge mess and she was not even close to finishing!

While talking to her, I kept looking out for my daughter. Pretty soon, everyone was out and no sight of D. I hung up with my sister and called the school to see if D was still inside. They said they would page her. After five minutes of waiting, I went inside the school to find out where she was. The secretary did not know. She offered to page her again and still nothing. I asked her if she knew whether D had drama or a Girl Scout meeting. She checked and said no, she did not know of any meetings. She asked me if somehow D left with a friend and I told her no, we always pick her up Even though I tried not to...I was beginning to worry, after all it has been at least 20 minutes that she's been missing. Where could she be? The principal was there too and she checked on her computer. No, no meeting. She paged her again and tried checking with her room teacher. What the hell is going on! Why is she not in school? O.k…I’m trying to be calm about this… I told them I would check outside again in case I had missed her while coming up.

I walked out the door and no one was there. I walked over to the car and asked B if he’d seen his sister. He said “No, mom.” My heart was starting to beat a little faster than normal. I think it was more like... yes, I was beginning to panic. If she had no meetings or drama class, where else could she be? My mind started racing. Pretty soon, I was imaging all kinds of awful things. Oh, God! I could feel my legs trembling.

I was about to call my husband but decided to call the school one last time to see if they were able to find her. And to my relief, the secretary said she just found out that D was at drama! As she was explaining to me that, apparently, her Monday drama class got canceled and they were making it up today, I realized that I had been holding my breath.

D never told me about it and the secretary had not been aware of it. What I don’t understand is why when they paged my daughter, no one responded?

I began to slowly inhale and exhale and thanked GOD that my daughter was still at school. I felt stupid for overreacting! But I couldn’t help getting that awful feeling in my gut, especially when the school told me she wasn’t there. I can’t even begin to imagine what would have happened if we hadn’t found her! I started thinking of all the families that have lost a child. My prayers go out to them…

Once I got home, I opened the back door to let the dogs out in the yard. Chiquis ran to the gate and takes off as she slips out through the gap. I called her and she would not come. She was running towards a tree near the street. Oh, no! If I chase her she would definitely run out on the street. We live near a main street and traffic is heavy during this time of day. Now I was praying… “Please GOD don’t let her run out on the street.” My son and daughter came outside. They called her a couple of times and after trying to corner her my son somehow managed to grab her. I had my heart in my throat. Phew...! She was real close to crossing that street!

What a day! First my daughter and now this!

Oh, I needed to calm down… I was beginning to feel like nervous wreck!

Inhale… exhale… inhale... exhale…!

O.K. now… I think I can breathe again… !

Halloween party...

Last night we went to one of the best Halloween parties ever. My sister went all out for this one. She put straw all over the house (it’s going to be a bitch trying to clean that up!) She decorated the walls with glow in the dark markers; fake bugs and cobwebs. She had a skeletal punch bowl with a drink that looked like real blood and, of course, the skeleton goblets. It was just awesome! We got there about 8 o’clock and there were only a few people. My sister was starting to worry that no one was going to show up. But by 10 o’clock they started trickling in… a couple here, and a group of people there, pretty soon the house was filling up quickly. Within moments, the house was full of people. Some went outside to the backyard where my sis and her boyfriend had also decorated with tombstones, ghosts, and a ghoul hanging from a tree.

Everyone came dressed up in all sorts of cool, scary and even funny costumes. My sister was dressed like the scarecrow from “Jeepers Creepers”; my sister’s boyfriend was dressed as the scary guy from “Texas Chain Saw Massacre”. He would hide by the doorway and when people came in he would pop out and turn on his fake chain saw (that sounded like a real chainsaw) and scared the living crap out of everyone! I wish I had a video camera to record the funny and scared expressions on everyone’s face when they heard the chain saw roar!

But the best costume would go to my other sister. She wore one of “Martin Lawrence” character… “Otis the Security Guard.” She was so hilarious. She had the moves… she really played up on that character. And when "Otis" saw a girl on sexy costume, "he" would say to them, "Ho’d on a minute… I have the right to search." And "he" began feeling up on them. Then "he" would say, "Damn girl… you’re scrumftious! " (as he licked his fingers.) "Ol' Otis" had everyone laughing!

Later, I joined my hubby, who was outside with my two kids, and a couple of friends who were getting ready to go home. And sure enough… we had a visitor…someone had called the cops to complain about the loud music (they had a DJ) and yes the music was playing loud! The good thing was that the officer was nice. He soon realized that it was a Halloween party and he just gave us a warning. As he was talking to my hubby, “Otis the Security Guard” comes out… oh, shit! What is "he" going to pull next? “Ol’ Otis” comes up to the officer and says, “Man why you all up on ma terratory?” I’m nashional sicuraty (as she's flashing her fake badge)! I hope you're not goin' to tow ma car, we’re second cuzins man...I’m almost a sherwiff you kno', I’m gettin’ there. I got everythin’ unda contro’. You’re embarrassin’ me man! Yeah, I kno’ you got a gun. I got one too... I just left it inside because I came outside to take a piss." The officer looked at her and you could tell he wanted to bust out laughing, but he was pretty smooth and in control...he just smiled. She then said to him, “Bro, be cool… I’m Five O, you and I are family!” and she proceeded to show him a little dance move and wriggled her big ol’ butt at him. The officer couldn’t help it and he soon began to laugh with us. The officer then said to "Ol' Otis", "you should come over to my station." And “Otis” responded, “Well call me… we’ll talk it ova’ coffee and doe nuts."

You had to be there….it was so funny!

While all this was happening, more and more people were showing up for the party. After the officer gave his warning and left, we too decided it was time to go. They did turn the music down a little bit. I wonder how many more people came by and how late they stayed up partying. I just hope they didn’t get another visit from the cops!

Chiquis is coming home...

I got a call today from the woman that took Chiquis to her new home. Oh, oh…something told me this was going to happen. After more than two weeks had past, I was sure Chiquis was there to stay. But sure enough, I was wrong! She called to tell me she was going through a lot at home and work (she used to work from home). She recently got a promotion and now she has to spend more time outside her home. She’s also having a hard time with her four kids. She needs to find a full time babysitter. And because of all that Chiquis has now become a problem. She hates to give her up but the fact is that poor little Chiquis has to spend too much time in her kennel and her kids are no longer as enthusiastic about her as when they first brought her home. I explained to her that it was exactly what I went through with my kids.

So it looks like Chiquis is coming home. Good thing Chiquis will have Beau and Coqueta to play with and keep her company. I just don’t know how this is going to work out for us. I was already used to not having her around and was feeling a little at ease. Oh well, what could I do? I told her if she didn’t want Chiquis, I would take her back!

World Champs...!

You don't have to be a baseball fan to share my pride in the remarkable achievement of Chicago White Sox. They beat Houston Astros in four straight games to win the first world series championship since 1917!

GO SOX!!!

http://www.chicagotribune.com/

http://www.suntimes.com/index/sports

My little girl...

Sitting here, with tears in my eyes… as I think back when my little girl was born.  She was so tiny and beautiful.  I thank the Lord every day for giving me such a precious child.  

I’ll never forget when the nurse took her away from me to give her a check up.   While they were wheeling her away, I heard her cry… it was more like a “meow”.  She sounded like a little kitten.  She never really cried.  

When I brought her home from the hospital, she was the sweetest baby.  She never kept me up at night.  She would make a little kitty sound and I knew I had to feed her.  Once I did so, she would sleep the whole night through.  There was only one time when she did keep me up and that was when she got sick.  That day was the worst day of my life!  She cried all night long and there was nothing I could do for her.  So I walked her and tried to comfort her.  I’ll never forget feeling so lost and useless!  My heart ached and I cried with her…

We used to take her out with us to restaurants and people would come by our table and comment on what a wonderful baby she was.  She never cried and was well behaved.  I was so proud of her.  When I finally went back to work (I used to work with my husband at his office), I would take her with me everyday.  No one would even know she was there.  The only time she would actually cry (more like a whimper) was when she needed to be fed.  My husband’s clients would notice her and they were amazed at how good my baby girl was.  She would not make a sound…

Today, while I was preparing dinner, my son was doing his homework in the kitchen table and my husband was sitting at the table helping him with his assignment.  Suddenly, my daughter comes up to me with tears in her eyes and says… “Mom, I think I got it!”  I looked at her and for a moment time stood still.  I saw it in her eyes.  I knew exactly what she meant.  For an instant, I wasn’t sure what to do or say.  She stood there waiting and I turned to my husband who lowered his head and my son who wanted to know what was going on.    I realize I had to say something so I took her to the room.  She began to cry.  Even though she already knew “it” was coming and we’ve been preparing for this moment, it still came as a surprise.  I consoled her and tried to explain to her that it was normal.  It’s something every girl has to go through in life in order to become a woman.  She said, “Mom, I don’t want to grow up yet!”  “I know baby”, I say. I began to tell her of my little story when “I got mine” and we began to laugh and cry together.  

Finally, she went upstairs to her room.  I told her to come down so she can eat dinner and she said, “No, mom, I’m embarrassed, I feel like Dad and my brother are going to stare at me.”   She said, “Mom, I don’t want my brother to make fun of me!”   I tried to convince her that it was not the case, but she insisted in staying upstairs in her room.

I came downstairs and prepared a plate for her.   My son said, “Mom, I’ll take it up for her.”  He took the plate, got a glass and filled it with milk.  He then took a napkin and put it on his arm (like a waiter) and took it up to her.  When he came down, I asked him, “Do you know what’s going on with your sister?” And he says, “Yes mom, I know”.   I thought he was so sweet!

I just can’t believe it!   My little girl… she’s growing up!